Here's the Skinny....

I realize that all of this is very random... It's how my brain functions, I can't help it. Maybe one day I'll figure out organization....
Back in the day I felt like I looked pretty good. Now I've never had a size four figure...or whatever it's cool to be now. But I was happy with my looks. I've never been an athlete, I'm actually quite uncoordinated. I tried to be a dancer, but it was more fun than skill. Now here I am 20ish pounds heavier and not quite so happy about it... I justify myself. I have a husband who's gone lots. I have lots of stress when he's deployed. I have small kids at home, what do I do with them while I exercise?? But really what it boils down to is exercise just isn't high enough on my priority list. There are women, who make it happen. They find the babysitter or take the kids along, or leave them in their beds sleeping at the buttcrack of dawn. (I don't do the buttcrack of dawn. It's not in my genetic makeup. It's physically painful.) Also have I ever mentioned how paranoid I am?? I really am. I can't leave them in their beds sleeping... what if someone breaks in? What if there's a fire? All these things plague me. I can't bring myself to do it. So now what. There are options. I can starve myself... actually that's a little extreme. I could cut out all the things I shouldn't have as a non exerciser! No sugar, soda, less pasta and bread. Low fat, eat fish. Have I ever said how I detest things that have once had gills?? I like food. I like sugar, I really really really love Dr. Pepper!!!!!! It's my downfall. I really know I shouldn't consume it like I do, but I love it. It loves me. I like Mexican food and LOVE Italian food. Do you see why this is such a plight for me? I love all these things. I don't love exercise, but I don't love how I look. I"m shallow. I wanna look awesome, I don't want to give up things I love to do it.... A Rock and a Hard Spot. That's where I am....